It is reported that millennial women are much more likely to cheat than millennial men, so if you are a guy who was cheated on by your ex-girlfriend or your ex-wife before, it’s time to heal from the trauma now.
Victor X. is the founder of a New York City dating app which was launched last year. He started this dating app after his divorce – his ex-wife was cheating on him with a younger man. Yet Victor X. transformed Post-traumatic Stress into Post-traumatic Growth.
“When my ex-wife was cheating on me, I was in a really bad state. I was drinking too much in order to numb the pain,” says Victor X., founder of the NYC dating app, “After seeing a therapist via Better Help, I recovered from the trauma simply by using it as an opportunity to practice some other virtue or skill. In this case, I started to study entrepreneurship and created an NYC dating app which helps singles in New York to find love.”
Indeed, in every situation, that which blocks your path actually presents a new path with a new part of you. Without that traumatic experience, Victor X. wouldn’t even get into the dating and relationships industry because he was an employee working for an insurance company in New York City. But after that experience, Victor X. realized the importance of understanding human dynamics, dating and relationships, so he started a dating app for singles in New York.
“Problems are a chance for me to do my best,” says Victor X., “I have it within me to be the type of person who tries to get things done, tries with everything I’ve got and whatever verdict comes in, are ready to accept it instantly and move on to whatever is next.”
Your internal power cannot be affected by the outside world. In life, you have to prepare for turmoil and adversity because that’s just a part of life in reality. You have to learn the art of acquiescence and practice cheerfulness even in difficult times.
“In fact, this internal power has much more to do with surrender than with strength,” says Victor X., “I believe internal power is resilience, flexibility, quiet confidence and quiet humility. Because I was ready with a new innovative approach, I made the best of the worst. I hired a relationship coach and a business mentor. That’s how I started my own business in record time after the painful divorce.”
Yes, you can always control your internal power and listen to your inner voice. Your internal power is wisdom and fortitude. It is the strength to contextualize, endure and derive meaning from the trauma that has already happened to you.
“This is all about making the best of a terrible situation and deal with destiny with compassion and cheerfulness,” says Victor X., founder of the New York City dating app, “I don’t have any negative comments on my ex-wife. Because of our marriage, I have a son. She left me because she was looking for her happiness, not because she specifically wanted to f*ck me over. Actually, after learning female psychology, I have a lot of compassion for women now. And more importantly, I am able to stay cheerful after the traumatic experience.”
Many men give in to disorder and pain, but Victor X. managed to stand undisturbed, calm, confident and ready to work regardless of the problem. He is willing and able to work hard, even when the worst nightmares have already come true, even during the unthinkable. Of course, it is much easier to manage our emotions and perceptions than it is to give up the desire to control others and events. But we have to know what’s under our control and what’s outside our control because stress and anxiety come from trying to control what’s outside our control.
“I have to accept what I can’t change. My ex-wife has left me already and I can’t change that because she is now married to another man,” says Victor X., founder of the NYC dating app, “I must protect my inner self and retreat into myself when I needed some Me Time. Also, I submit to a greater, larger cause and I absolutely love my career. I always persevere and remind myself of my own mortality – The average person only has about 30,000 days on this planet, so every day is an important day. I can’t afford to allow misery to take over my life.”
According to NYC dating app founder Victor X., during the good times, a man should strengthen himself and his body so that during the dark times, he can depend on it. “You protect your inner fortress so that it can protect you,” says Victor X., “If you are going to succeed in achieving your goals in spite of the trauma, this strength must be built in the first place.”
Your plan and the way things turn out almost never resemble each other. What you think you will get is usually not what you can actually get. Therefore, you have to prepare for disruption and work that disruption into your plan – a pleasant surprise should be better than an unpleasant surprise. That’s why it’s important to manage expectations well.
“When you get married, the only guarantee is that things will go wrong. Statistics show that only 17% of married people are reasonably happy. Remember: success is not guaranteed, but the struggle is definitely guaranteed,” says Victor X., founder of the New York City dating app, “The only variable you can actually control is yourself, no matter what happens.”
Victor X.’s advice for men who were cheated on by their ex-girlfriends or ex-wives: If something like that has already happened, you can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst. But please remember that it gets worse before it gets better.
You can choose not to go to pieces if things don’t go as planned. Most relationships don’t last for a long time and the divorce rate in western countries is at least 50%. With anticipation, you can endure. Please be prepared for failure and ready for success .
“If your ex-wife is married to another man now, I want you to remember this – all relationships are ended by separation or death – they won’t be together forever,” says Victor X., founder of the NYC dating app, “Never take traffic signals personally. Similarly, never take adversities in life personally. If life tells you to come to a stop here, please don’t yell this issue away. You can just accept it. You are stronger than the trauma. This problem won’t prevent you from reaching your ultimate destination unless you allow it to. However, it changes the way you travel to get your ultimate destination as well as the duration of the trip. But that’s okay.”