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Popular dating apps: Why a breakup is the new beginning
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Popular dating apps: Why a breakup is the new beginning

These days many individuals use popular dating apps to find love again after breaking up with their ex-partners. Breaking up with someone is never easy. It’s a big step forward to realize that the worst thing is not the event, but the event AND losing your head.

• Channel the pain into your training.

Statistics show that most people seek dating advice AFTER they broke up with someone. Similarly, most individuals seek marriage advice AFTER their marriage is over. I think this world will become a much better place if people can learn essential relationship skills before bad things happen. But unfortunately, that’s not how most people learn.

If you have broken up with someone already, you are probably in pain. Now it’s time to channel the pain into your training – you may want to read some dating books and hone your dating skills.

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“It doesn’t matter what happens to you in life; it matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve learned,” says Jade Seashell, dating coach and the spokesperson of a popular dating app, “The only way you will achieve greatness is by using it all to your advantage.”

Indeed, the best daters all had negative experiences in dating previously. But instead of complaining about it, they worked with it and made the best of it.

“Each obstacle I overcome makes me stronger for the next one,” says Malcolm G., a member of the popular dating app, “I always greet my obstacles with persistence, energy, resilience, pragmatism, strategic vision, savvy, craftiness as well as an eye for opportunity or pivotal moments.”

• Never, ever stop moving.

Keep going, no matter how painful the breakup is. Most dating gurus aren’t geniuses; they are just persistence in disguise. They have failed many more times than you have. That’s why they are gurus.

They keep going because they know that eventually and inevitably, they will figure it out. They use every opportunity to test and they are grateful for the valuable knowledge this process reveals.

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“Temporary problems are not discouraging at all. These are simply bumps along a long journey which you choose to travel,” says Jade Seashell, relationship advisor and marriage counsellor, “Those who are joining the dating scene again after a breakup are actually doing something new, and doing new things always means obstacles. When a baby is learning how to walk, the baby has many obstacles, but he/she never gives it up.”

Dating isn’t supposed to be easy. Your initial attempts won’t work. It’s okay to break up with someone. That’s absolutely normal.

• Three questions after the breakup:

When you break up with someone, it’s time to ask yourself these three questions.

1) What went wrong in that relationship?

2) What can be improved?

3) What am I missing?

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Now let’s have a look at Malcolm G.’s answers to these questions:

1) “I didn’t stick to my standards in that relationship. Because she is too hot for me, I felt unworthy. I allowed her to bully me in that failed relationship.”

2) “I should always stick to my standards no matter what. I must clarify my non-negotiables from the beginning.”

3) “I lost my self-confidence in that relationship. I only had some external confidence. I need to build my core confidence (my internal confidence).”

Malcolm G.’s honesty is to be admired. He joined a popular dating app to look for love again after the painful breakup.

George K. is another member of the popular dating app & his answers to those three questions are very different:

1) “I borrowed her money in that relationship. No matter she lends me money or not, as long as I asked for her money, that relationship becomes non-existent.”

2) “I shouldn’t use women financially. I should make my own money.”

3) “I thought I was the smart guy, but it turns out that it’s ten times easier to con a con artist – she took ten times back in the end.”

Obviously, George K.’s story isn’t the most pleasant love story in the world. His ex-girlfriend read a book called Ho Tactics: How to Mindf*ck a Man into Spending, Spoiling and Sponsoring (written by G. L. Lambert ), though the popular dating app member George K. thought he was the smart cookie who was able to use women for money.

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• A competent dater is never out of the game for long.

Competent daters slip many times, yet they don’t fall.

The breakup may be painful, but it can also instruct. In fact, the only way to guarantee that a failure is a bad thing is to not learn from it. Your breakup is giving you accurate instructions regarding how to improve your game. It is trying to wake you up from your cluelessness and confusion. It is trying to teach you something useful. You just have to pay attention.

If you lose, don’t lose the lesson. Lessons come hard only if you are deaf to them or you ignore them. Failure shows you the way by showing you what is not the way.

Remember: being confused is just a position; it’s not a fate. You won’t live in pain after this breakup. You will be fine. The dating process is about doing the right thing right now instead of worrying about what may happen later, or the whole picture, or the results. Online daters join popular dating apps in order to explore the beauty that dating has to offer; not everyone is out there to focus on the reward of dating only. Successful daters love the journey & a beautiful relationship is just the by-product of the exploration. 

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“Everything is a chance to be your best,” says Jade Seashell, dating consultant of the popular dating app, “only self-absorbed individuals think they’re too good for online dating – we live in a digital era already.”

Ryan Holiday famously said, “How you do anything is how you can do everything.” We can always act right if we choose to act right.

I don’t care whether you join a dating app or a dating website, as long as it works for you, you should totally do it. Just as Deng Xiaoping said, “I don’t care if the cat is white or black, as long as it catches mice.” When you try Internet dating after the breakup, this should be your philosophy. That’s why I always encourage people to join more than one popular dating app – you need to increase your online presence in order to maximize your chance of finding love again. Offline dating alone won’t solve your problem in this day and age because nowadays everyone is staring at their smart phone – they are not even looking at you!

Of course, you’d better do the best with what you have got. If you are a perfectionist, you must always remember this motto: Perfection is a joke. Yes, you read that right. I think perfection is completely based on insecurity. In my opinion, it’s okay to compromise at times because what matters is that you’ve got it done and it worked for you. 

A competent online dater is ambitious enough to get everything they need.

December 13 2019